I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
