I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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