remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
