I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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