she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
