you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
