It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
