I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
