It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
