dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
