i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
