if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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