You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
