Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
