I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm really busy with my period
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