I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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