i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
