is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
