She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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