i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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