so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
