We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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