I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
