couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want a musical about memes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
