The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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