Sry I called you an 8
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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