Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
