Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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