she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's the barista slut.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
