I just saw a hot homeless man
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
