glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
