dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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