mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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