dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
