This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
