When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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