I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
