remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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