So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
someone owes me an orgasm
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're like the curious george of whores
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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