Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
