you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
