AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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