K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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