it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
