So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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