thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
