just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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