I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
