I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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