dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
