Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
